How to keep the spark alive in lockdown

* Dirty talk is the best way to keep the spark alive when apart

* Women prioritise honest communication about your feelings

* More men agree not being needy is the key to long lasting passion 

* The results come from a survey of over 1,200 members from, the UK’s leading dating website for married people 

Is there distance between you and your sexual partner? How will you keep your sex life alive? surveyed 1200 of its members and found out their top favorite ways to make long distance love, as well as some useful advice.

The top two favorite ways to keep the spark alive as voted by men and women is dirty talk and sexy pictures, interestingly enough the majority of women prefer dirty talk, whereas men opted for visual stiumulation with more voting for sexy pictures. 

Twice as many women as men prefer honest communication about your feelings.

Just over a quarter more men preferred video calls compared to women.

More men than women (17%) preferred their lover to not be needy when apart.

8 Most Popular Ways to Keep the Spark Alive

Dirty Talk
Samantha, Leeds

“There is literally nothing sexier than a man that knows how to talk dirty. It’s all about using your imagination, setting the scene and being descriptive. I recommend one of you being dominant on the phone, or perhaps take it in turns to be the one in control. To start, talk about what you’d like to do to one another, then move onto sexual requests and fantasies. Put on a husky voice and keep the tone slow and sensual, and if in doubt a little moan and a groan will also go a long way.”
Sexy pictures
Rebecca, London

“I get more gratification from sending dirty photos than from receiving them. You get a real kick out of it, feeling sexy and desirable. You want to dress up – seductive lingerie, stockings, push up bra, high heels – the works. Another handy tip is devil red lipstick and big volumized hair, attention to detail is paramount. Once dolled up you just need to set a timer for your picture. Make sure you’re happy with the background, facial expression, and get ready to pose. One of my top tips is to leave a little to the imagination as well, you want to aim to tease your fella. Sending naughty photos is such a turn on, and truly boosts your confidence. Having a man lust over you really makes you feel a million dollars.”

Video Calls
Trevor, Surrey

“It’s an opportunity to connect and be present. We are actually very lucky that we can do that these days. Firstly, find the time to make the call when you’re going to be alone and not going to be distracted. Secondly, ensure that you’re happy with the image,  you have a good angle and your background isn’t cluttered. Thirdly, relax, catch up and have a little flirt. You may feel a little camera shy at first, but you’ll be a pro at it in no time.”

Claire, Essex

“Sexy messages when apart are such a turn on, making you blush and giggle out loud. Take your time creating your message there’s no rush. I find what works for me is closing my eyes and imagining what I’d like to be doing with that person. Be descriptive, and use language you might be too shy to normally use in bed. For example, calling someone a naughty boy or a naughty girl is super cringy to say out loud, but for some reason totally hot via text. Let your imagination run wild” 

Honest communication about your feelings
Harriet, London

“Open and honest communication is one of the ground rules to any companionship, and even more so when you’re apart. In order to feel connected there has to be openness and a non-judgemental space in which you are able to talk. If I ever feel caught up in my feelings or insecure I always make the effort to discuss these things, so that I know that we’re on the same page. Problems arise when you keep eachother out of the loop. How can you possibly come up with solutions or compromise when feelings are kept hidden?”

Don’t be needy 
Michael, Devon

“Avoid speaking to each other everyday. Let’s not discuss our daily routine, why does anybody want to know about what time you woke up or what you had for breakfast? It’s boring. Let there be a little distance. All great love stories are ones where the lovers are tragically separated – these are tales of inspiration, desperation and eternal longing, it’s the separation that makes it so exciting. I’m not saying don’t talk at all! But don’t just call for no reason or to pass the time. Keep things fresh and exciting, chat a little less often.”

Set goals
Lewis, Manchester

“Having a goal gives you something to look forward to, and discussing plans to meet up with your lover creates anticipation, which is an excellent way to keep the spark alive. Talking about where you’d like to go, and what you’d like to do together when you finally can, makes being apart feel more temporary, and ignites your hopes and dreams about reuniting”

Sending gifts
Stephanie, Newcastle

“My love language is gifts, it always has been. I think if someone adores you they make the effort to surprise you with thoughtful presents. If I mention a perfume I really like, I expect my lover to buy it for me, I’d be offended if they didn’t. When apart I think it’s a good idea to send flowers, presents, anything to remind you that you’re being thought of” sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni said “They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, they missed out the part that distance makes people horny.

Of course if you have a passionate relationship with someone, and all of a sudden you are not able to see them for awhile, it’s going to make you crazy with lust, and crave that person. Wanting to be physical with someone can sometimes be more powerful than the act itself.”

NOTES TO EDITOR is the UK’s leading dating website for married people and the leading authority on infidelity. With over 1,000,000 genuine UK users since 2004, you’re sure to find your perfect match.

Established in 2004, we have been providing a meeting place for like-minded married and attached people for nearly 12 years. Our members have one thing in common – they are all looking for a little romance outside their current relationship. Whether that’s the occasional bit of flirtatious chat, a regular coffee date, or a full-blown affair, that’s up to them.

We’re always more than happy to talk about – please contact Christian Grant through the details below – but we’re not willing to speak publicly about at this moment in time.


Mobile: 07824 353986

Twitter: @cheatsafer